Obedience

Last Sunday, Jordan and I had some of our couple friends come over for breakfast and Bible study, because church was cancelled from the ice.  Jordan is the one that led the devotional, and he talked about obedience.  He talked about two different scenarios of obedience- Jonah and Jesus.  He talked about how each of these men obeyed God, but in different ways, which impacted the impact that they made.  We talked about how Jonah eventually decided to obey God and go to Nineveh, and God had told him what he was going to do after Jonah did this.  Yet, even though God did everything he said he was going to do, Jonah did it with his arms crossed.

The other side of obedience was Jesus in the wilderness, where God had led him.  There he was tested by the devil, but Jesus obeyed and fought temptation, explaining “It is written” as he cried out to God for strength.

So, both of these stories were about obedience, but the endings were different.  At the end of Jonah’s story, he was sitting alone, by a tree.  At the end of Jesus’ story, he called his disciples to follow him, and they went and spread the Word that impacted the nation.  Yes, they both obeyed and listened to God. But would you rather obey God and sit by a tree alone….or do you want to obey God and impact the world?

I thought it was funny that Jordan talked about this because I had been journaling about what I wanted to talk about in my next blog post, and straight form my notes was- “even when we feel so dry and so alone, all we have to do is open our hands towards Jesus and ask him to pour into us.”  So, I thought this was pretty cool because these things go hand and hand.  Jesus felt so alone, and was being tempted by satan, but he looked to God in this time of weakness, and God was the strength he needed to fight.

I don’t know about you, but I know that I have gone through some dry times in my life, and it wasn’t until I opened my palms towards Jesus and asked for him to really enter my life, that I truly felt him.  Sometimes we can feel so alone and so empty, but Jesus is always there, he is just waiting for us to ask for Him to intervene.   He loves us SO MUCH, that he never wants us to run dry, but we have to reach out to Him. There is a song that I love listening to, that is so fitting, and since I always mention a song in my posts, I thought this was more than appropriate.

 

“When my hands stretch out towards the sky
You never let me run dry
When I dive into the depths of You
My heart is made anew
Jesus, in You
When my hands stretch out towards the sky
You never let me run dry
When I dive into the depths of You
My heart is made anew
Jesus, in You

Your love is a flood and I’m
Caught in the current of Your living waters
It’s Your love, it’s Your love
Your presence is a flood
And I’m caught in the wonder
You have taken me over
You have won my heart

Into the deep I will go with You
Submerge my feet to my head in all of You
As Your presence falls
I am drowned in Your love
Immerse me, immerse me”

 

When I felt like I was supposed to start blogging, I was scared.  I was scared that nothing was going to happen. No impact was going to be made.  It wasn’t going to amount to anything.  But, I knew I needed to walk in obedience and say yes to Jesus.  So, I did.  I don’t know if it has helped any of the readers, but it has helped me.  So, if all I get out of this is a closer, more deep, relationship with Jesus, then I am totally okay with that.

I think we all go through these things in our lives.  Whether it is debating accepting a different job position, starting a blog, starting a Bible study, just showing Jesus in our day to day lives, etc, I believe the way we do it makes an impact on our impact.  When we say yes to Jesus, we do it knowing he has never failed to keep his promises; we do it with our arms open ready for Jesus to do everything he wants to do in us, and when we do it with intention, we leave an impact.  As we walk in obedience, the more open we are to God, the more our hands are open towards him, the bigger impact that can be made.  We are supposed to be Jesus’ hands and feet, so as we walk- are we welcoming? loving? joyful? accepting? If yes, then be ready to make a difference, because you are going to.

When we obey God, and follow his calling on our life, do we do it with our arms open and with a smile on our face, or do we do it with our arms crossed? Because I believe it makes all the difference.  Like I had mentioned earlier (the point that Jordan made), Jesus did it with faith in God, and from that obedience, he began the movement that is still impacting our world today.  Do we want to just walk through the motion, and still obey God along the way, but nothing more? Or do we want to be part of the Jesus’ movement?  I don’t know about you, but I want to impact the world, and I know that I alone cannot do that, but I know that being a part of Jesus’ movement, we can all do it together.  Christianity is supposed to be a community, and as a community, I believe we can impact the world.

 

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Wonder

Many of you may know of a little boy named Tommy Gibbel.  Tommy Gibbel went to be with the Lord late tonight, and I just can feel the number of hearts that are hurting. Many of you probably know Tommy because of his incredible family.  I have no doubt in my mind that that little boy left an impact on every single person he came in contact with.  I don’t know what kind of impact he left on your guys’ life, but I want to tell you about the huge impact made in my life and my heart by that little boy.

I had the privilege to babysit for the Gibbels’ for a couple of years.  It seemed like a life time….no, not because it was a drag, but because it was the opposite.  They walked into my life so easily, it is just like they have always been there.  If you don’t know this family….you should.

Anyways…I had the opportunity to grow a close bond with their two little boys, Andrew and Tommy.  I LOVED getting to go babysit.  However, this bond I had with Tommy, is something I will never be able to fully explain in words.  I loved everything about that little boy from the very beginning.  Now, I will say, he was not the biggest fan of me at the beginning (my voice was too high pitched for his little ears)…he squinted every time I would speak.  Tommy has always had a few health complications, but to me and many others, he was just Tommy….happy, sweet Tommy.  He eventually grew to like my presence, at least I think so, because we shared nothing but smiles between each other.  We loved our time together, at least I did, and I could tell that he did too.

For a long time now, I have felt called to be a nurse.  However, I cannot lie, there was a time that I was thinking about other options.  There was even a time in high school that I was shadowing an occupational therapist because I became interested in a different area.  I also started babysitting Tommy that year.  I have not told this to many people before…but you know that impact I was talking about earlier?  This was part of it.  He reminded me of my purpose. He reminded me why I was called to be a nurse.  I have felt called to be a pediatric nurse for a while now, and I am beyond stoked to do so.  Why? Because I am going to be able to come in contact with little boys and girls, like Tommy, on a daily basis.  I am going to have the opportunity to be impacted on a daily basis.  I feel like no one fails to remind me about the tough times that are going to come with being a pediatric nurse…a pediatric oncology nurse at that.  Which I definitely know…but I feel like they forget about the impact and the reward I am going to get from doing so.

I do not think my heart has ever been so broken. So broken for the family.  So broken for the friends.  Just so broken. Even in the midst of all the heartbreak, it is so rewarding to of had the time I did with Tommy.  He is no longer rolling around on the floor, he is dancing with Jesus.

Tommy taught me how to love more, how to laugh more, how to smile more and for no reason, how to have so much joy just because, and just how to be content with life.  I am so glad I captured on video and in pictures the times I spent with Tommy, because they are some of my greatest memories.  I have talked about Tommy, and cried about Tommy to every single one of my professors in the past, and in all my work interviews.  Every time I talk about him to someone, I cry….I cry because of the joy it brought me to think about him and thinking about the impact he made on me.  It is something I will forever treasure.

I am sure a lot of you have also seen the movie “Wonder”.  Amazing! Well, the little boy in the movie had all of his hospital bands on a board to remind him what made him…him.  Tommy’s mom decided to do this with his hospital bands, and I loved it! All of this being said…I found it ironic that she decided to do this because Tommy is so special, just like the little boy in the movie. Tommy is a wonder.  A wonderful wonder.

I am not good at communicating my feelings very well, which is why I write them.  I feel like I cannot stop crying, but I am so happy that Tommy is all better now.  Never underestimate the power of a little one…sometimes they leave the biggest impacts.

I love you, Tommy.  More than you could ever know.

 

When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I

New Beginnings

The Holidays have come to an end, and the new year has begun, which I cannot believe that it is 2018! This means people are beginning their new year resolutions.  For a lot of people this means trying to be healthier.  Following this starts the diet and exercise.  Following this is where people normally give up at like day 5- at least that is what always happens to me.  And then we continue to repeat this year, after year, after year, and it somehow never ends as we say, “Oh well, I will try again next year.”  But what if we don’t have to try again next year? What if we accomplish our goal, and we get to make a new one?  I am not even saying we don’t fail at some point at our goal, but instead of just saying “oh well”, we try again the next week.  I just read in a devotion that every Sunday is the time for a new beginning.  So, who cares if you mess up on your 2018 goal, start again.  Be who you want to be this year, and do what you want to do this year without just giving up after one fail, or maybe even 17 fails.  Try again.  Our lives are centered around new beginnings we were willing to take on and do.  Everything we have done is because we were willing to begin the process of getting to the point of ability to take the first step.  It is the beginning.  So, what are your new year resolutions? What are you going to do this year to try and make it different from the previous years? What are you going to do to pursue your goal? We all deserve to make our goals and dreams come true, and to be who we want to be, so why not do it?

As I said before, a lot of peoples new year resolutions are to be healthy physically- eating right and exercising.  But how about spiritually? Are you spiritually healthy? At the beginning of each day, are you striving to be more like Jesus? If not, maybe this year your new years goal can be to get spiritually healthy.  For some, being spiritually healthy comes along side being physically healthy; I know it does for me.  I feel the most healthy when everything is healthy; when I am mentally healthy, physically healthy, and spiritually healthy.  Maybe this year we can strive to be all of those things.  Not just give part of us in it, but give everything we are to become these things.

For me, this means balance.  I need balance in my life.  My goal this year is to balance nursing school and make sure it is a priority, but also make sure I am making time for myself, my relationship with God, and my relationship with my husband.  When I find balance- I feel healthy.  Wholly healthy.  I fully recognize that I was not good at this last semester.  I was really depressed and felt very alone- but I also wasn’t reading my Bible everyday, I wasn’t exercising daily, I wasn’t resting, I wasn’t eating well, I was just not giving myself time for anything outside of studying.  I had zero balance.  So, I am shooting for balance this year.

If you guys would like to know what my plans/goals are…..here they are.

  1. Jordan and I are reading the whole Bible this year. We are doing a 365 day reading plan, and I am super pumped about it, because I do well with plans, and I do not like failing to accomplish something I have planned.  So, this will allow me to spend time with Jesus daily.  No excuses.
  2. Meal prepping. During school, it is really hard for me to find time to make things, and I often go without eating lunch.  Jordan does as well, because we don’t have lunches for him to bring to work, and sometimes he doesn’t take a lunch break because he has too much to do. So, this will help with both of our schedules to make sure we are both eating, and we are eating healthy. (We are only meal prepping for lunch and breakfast)
  3. Planning. I am a huge planner, and planning decreases anxiety for me by a ton.  If I have a plan, I stick to it.  So, I am writing everything I want to do weekly down, so it is available for me to look at and remind myself.  As I said above, we are meal prepping for lunch and breakfast, no dinner.  So, I will be making a meal schedule for the week ahead of time, which will also help with finances! (planning meals that use most of the same ingredients)
  4. Spend time with my hubby!! I am pretty bad at making time to do this, especially when both of our schedules are insane! I am in nursing school, and he travels a lot for work, and with all the stress involved, I am pretty bad at taking time to relax with him.
  5. Being wholly healthy. 🙂

 

New year resolutions are really hard to stick to, especially when all you have in your head is that you can’t fail, and if you do, then you’re done.  If we remind ourselves that each week, or even day, is a new beginning, then I truly believe we can accomplish our goals.  Accomplishing our goals doesn’t mean we can’t mess up at all, if you never cheat on a diet, or never make a mistake for an ENTIRE YEAR, then you’re crazy (in a good way, but crazy- and it isn’t possible to go mistake-less for an entire year).  Accomplishing our goals means to be and become who we want to be.

 

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.  (Lamentations 3:22-24)

 

New mornings.  New days.  New weeks.  New years.  New beginnings.

What are your goals for this year? I would love to hear about them and partner with you in praying for these things to take place.  Let me know!!

Happy New Year!!!

Give me Faith

Isaiah 54:17

“…no weapon that is fashioned against you shall succeed, and you shall refute every tongue that rises against you in judgement…”

There is a song I came across about a week ago, right before finals week, and it spoke great volume to me.  Before the song even began, the artist was talking about things he is walking through and struggling with right now, and then he goes on to talk about how he had been praying and asking God to change the things he was going through, and came to the realization that he was asking the wrong thing — “The question is not “Jesus can you change these things around me”, but “Jesus can you change me, so that I can handle these things that you’re walking me through?””

So, rewind to moments before this song came on, I had just gotten done studying for the night.  I was sitting on our guest room floor, which is where I study at home, eating chips and salsa, and I was very overwhelmed with the amount I still needed to do to pass these finals.  I started reading the Bible because I was overwhelmed, and what better to do than read about His peace? I normally don’t read into the verses of the day on the app that I have on my phone, but I read it this time, and I felt like it was exactly what I needed to hear, with all of this fear and doubt I had built up inside of me.

“…no weapon that is fashioned against you shall succeed, and you shall refute every tongue that rises against you in judgement…”

After I finished reading, I turned on some worship music and began to pray.

Asking God why I am having to deal with all of this stuff I am going through this semester.  One of these things being to pass my class that I wrote about in a different blog.  The only thing between me and passing my class was the final exam.  Asking God “why me?” Not understanding why I am having to go through this.  What did I do wrong?  I have worked so hard.  Praying that God would take this all away from me– fear, anxiety, worry..so many emotions I was feeling. I found myself CONSTANTLY asking others around me how they were feeling about the exam, and I was even asking people in semesters above me, trying to do everything I could to try and grasp onto the smallest amount of hope and faith possible.

Now, I know I have talked about this before, but this is how reminded I need to be sometimes.  I go through my highs of really leaning on Jesus, but I also go through my lows and moments of asking God, “why?” So, honestly, I write these blogs as a reminder to myself that it is okay to need a reminder every once and a while, or maybe even a lot.  I have found that I find my greatest relief of fear when I write it down.  When I write it down, I feel like I am giving it to Jesus, which is what I need to do.  While I write these blogs as a reminder to myself, I also write them because I know I am not the only that needs these reminders.  Sometimes we look like we got it going on and have everything put together, but inside we just need a reminder that God has got us.

Back to the story…

As I was praying (mostly questioning God), the song “Different” came on, which is the one I mentioned earlier, and I heard, “The question is not “Jesus can you change these things around me”, but “Jesus can you change me, so that I can handle these things that you’re walking me through?”  I have heard in a sermon before, by Louie Giglio, that fear is faith in the enemy.  All of this started rushing over me as I was praying on the floor, and I just began to cry.  Crying because I was instantly reminded of His grace and faithfulness, but also because I didn’t know how to not be scared.

I do not think anything that happened that night was just by chance.  God knew exactly what I needed in my moment of doubting him.  I needed to hear that since I had Jesus on my side, no weapon was going to succeed over me.  I needed to hear that I was praying in the wrong way– not Jesus change this, but Jesus change me, make me stronger, carry me through what I am struggling with.  From this day on and up until the final was over, I asked Jordan to pray over me every night about this fear I had, because again, I did not know how to not be scared.  This fear seemed as though it was taking over me, and I let it.

I am happy to say that I passed my classes this semester!  The class I was struggling with specifically, the one that I have been writing about, and the one that my passing was dependent on my final exam grade included.  I am so blessed to say that I passed my class, after getting the EXACT grade I needed on my final exam.  Don’t tell me God isn’t good.  I was doing my part- I was doing everything I could, and I was studying what felt like non-stop for this final exam.  However, I know I would not have been able to do it without God being there with me.  The fact that I got the exact grade I needed, just proves that it was totally God.

I also know that it isn’t always like this in life. What if I didn’t pass my class? Before I got my grade back, I was nervous that I didn’t pass, and I really felt like my world was going to crash down on me.  However, it would have been okay, eventually.  I have done everything I could, and that has to be good enough.  God is taking me on this path of becoming a nurse, and as long as I do everything I can do, He is going to do the rest, even if it isn’t how I imagined it happening.  God is still good even when things don’t go as planned.  I know a lot of people go through a lot harder things than I have ever had to, and I know the outcome probably has not always been what they were expecting or wanting to happen, but isn’t it so good that it isn’t our job to be strong enough sometimes? Isn’t is so good that we have a God to turn to and lean on in these moments of hurt?  Isn’t it so good that He is the one writing our story and not us?  I am a strong believer in that those who have done their part, the Lord is going to come through- always.  However, I think sometimes the ways he comes through are different than what we were wanting, but it doesn’t mean that He didn’t come through.  I believe you will be rewarded for what you have done, as long as you have turned to God in these moments of doubt and frustration, and not turned away.  He is always there.  He is always good.  He is always worthy.

In life, we are going to go through the good times and the rough times, but they all lead us into the direction and the path the Lord has placed before us.  In these different times of life, turn to Him.  Trust him.  Don’t be worried about being strong enough, because you can lean on him.

 

Give me Faith

I need you to soften my heart
And break me apart
I need you to open my eyes
To see that You’re shaping my life

All I am, I surrender

Give me faith to trust what you say
That you’re good and your love is great
I’m broken inside, I give you my life
I need you to soften my heart
And break me apart
I need you to pierce through the dark
And cleanse every part of me
All I am, I surrender
Give me faith to trust what you say
That you’re good and your love is great
I’m broken inside, I give you my life
I may be weak
But Your spirit strong in me
My flesh may fail
My God you never will

Hills and Valleys

Alright, so I am about to be super real with you guys…

I have been and am currently struggling in one of my nursing classes.  Now…my frustration comes from the fact that I feel like I study every free moment I have.  I have no social life.  I wake up and study. I go to class.  I come home and study.  I wake up. I go to work.  I study on my lunch breaks.  I get off work and go straight to a coffee shop to study.  I study and study and study.

I find myself constantly asking myself why I am in nursing school.  Did God really call me to do this? I am miserable, why would God place me somewhere that I feel miserable at? Am I really sure this is of God? Because you know, sometimes it just really doesn’t feel like it.  At all.  I feel depressed all the time because of the lack of time I have to do anything fun, and I am working towards something that, at times, I wonder if it is even worth it.  Not only do those thoughts stink to have…they are scary to have.  It is scary to question the calling you felt God had originally placed on your heart, and begin to wonder if it is really what you are supposed to do.

Today in class, we were asked why we wanted to be a nurse, and what made us want to.  At first, my response in my head was, “I have no idea.  I ask myself this daily.”  As I continued to sit there and wait for it to be my turn to share, I was instantly reminded why.  Why am I in nursing school? I am in nursing school because I have been called to be in the healthcare system since I was only twelve years old.  I remember watching the St. Jude’s commercials on TV as a little girl and thinking to myself how I wanted to help them one day.  Now, my family, us girls, are very emotional human beings and we would cry about these things, but this was different.  Every time those commercials would come on, I had a burning passion and desire to help them some day.  A passion and desire that never went away.  A calling.

This never left me.  Ever.  The closer it got to me going to college the more I was reminded of those moments as a little girl, and the more I was sure I was going to school to be a nurse, and I was going to be a pediatric oncology nurse.  Now, that I am in nursing school and trying to pursue this passion and calling, it seems like I’m continually getting knocked down, which can be so discouraging- especially when a lot of people around you can study two nights prior, and do better than you, who’s been studying for weeks.  I don’t know that I have ever been as discouraged in my life as much as I am trying to pursue this.  However, I have never been so touched by people in my life as I am working with the patients that I have gotten to work with.  It is definitely a load of hills and valley’s.

The only constant I have through these hills and valley’s is my God.  I cannot count the number of times I have cried because of school and the discouragement I feel at times.  However, I cannot count the number of times Jesus has come through.  Even when its just listening to music and all of a sudden a worship song comes on that speaks so much volume into my life.  I have the song “Hills and Valleys” playing on repeat as I write this because it is SO powerful over my life.  Funny thing is, normally when I listen to this song- I am singing it to Jordan and laughing at myself not being able to do the amazing runs that Tauren Wells does.  AMAZING!  However, this time it was so much more.  I sat down to study and it is the song that came on, and I began to cry.  Just sitting here in a coffee shop.  Crying.

This song- it says “When I am standing on the mountain, I didn’t get there on my own.  When I’m walking through the Valley, know I am not alone. You’re the God of the Hills and Valleys, and I am not alone.”

This reminds me of how I would be nothing without Jesus.  In my best moments, I have a constant, Jesus.  But even in my worst moments and worst points, I have a constant, Jesus.  I am continually reminded why God placed the calling of nursing on my life, and sometimes I still forget.  I forget how gracious God has been to me because I get caught up in one bad test grade and feel like my life is ending.  But this is my CALLING we are talking about.  It is no longer about it being a passion or desire, it is a calling God has given me, and that He gave me at the age of twelve. I am going to make it!! It is because of Jesus I have even made it as far as I have, and I have to remind myself He always comes through.  I am not alone.  I know I am not strong enough to get through this on my own, but it’s a good thing I don’t have to.

“No matter where I am, I am standing in your love.”

I am so thankful for a God who cares.  A God who is always with me no matter what.  In the midst of my anger of feeling like a failure, and my frustration that God placed me somewhere that I am not good at, he sticks by me.  He stays with me in my anger, and He celebrates with me in my happiness.  How great is it that God loves us so much that even when we are mad at Him, his only wish is to stick with us and push us forward.  There is not a moment that we aren’t standing in His love.  Sometimes, I feel very alone in the fact that I feel like I am never going to make it through nursing school, but here comes Jesus, grabbing my hand and walking me through it.  Whether He sends people, speaks through scripture, or just uses a worship song- He always lets me know- He is here, and He is not leaving me.

“On the mountains, I will bow my life to the one who set me there. In the valley, I will lift my eyes to the one who sees me there.”

I know, if I promise to lift my eyes to Him, even while I’m in my valley’s and I work my absolute hardest, then He is going to come through.  I know this because He always does.  I can’t sit around and feel sorry for myself in my moments of weakness.  I need to turn to Him.  There is so much to look forward to when you follow a good God, and I am thankful that I do.  He is so good and so gracious.  It is okay to need a reminder every now and again, it doesn’t make you a horrible person to question things sometimes.  I am so thankful to be reminded of my purpose and why I am in nursing school in these moments.

 

Hills and Valleys

“I’ve walked among the shadows
You wiped my tears away
And I’ve felt the pain of heartbreak
And I’ve seen the brighter days
And I’ve prayed prayers to heaven from my lowestplace
And I have held the blessings
God, you give and take away
No matter what I have, Your grace is enough
No matter where I am, I’m standing in Your love
On the mountains, I will bow my life
To the one who set me there
In the valley, I will lift my eyes to the one who sees me there
When I’m standing on the mountain aft, didn’t get there on my own
When I’m walking through the valley end, no I am not alone!
You’re God of the hills and valleys!
Hills and Valleys!
God of the hills and valleys
And I am not alone!
I’ve watched my dreams get broken
In you I hope again!
No matter what I know
Know I’m safe inside Your hand
God of the hills and valleys
And I am not alone!
Father, you give and take away
Every joy and every pain
Through it all you will remain
Over it all!

Having a Servant’s Heart

Having a servants heart isn’t about having a quality, its about having a calling.  A servants heart is often rare to come across, and sadly this is true even as Christians. It’s something people notice and it’s a calling that only some live up to. A servants heart is the willingness and longing to serve people and serving them with a joyful heart, not just a servants heart. It’s called a “servants heart” but in reality it’s making us more like Jesus, and as Christians, isn’t that what we are supposed to be doing anyways? Aren’t we supposed to strive to be like Him daily in our words and in our actions? So, isn’t a Servants heart something all of us should strive for in life as Christians? Aren’t we all called to be a servant?

I have an example/story of what this looks like.  Not too long ago, me, Jordan, and another friend of ours went out for gelato in downtown Springfield…amazing! As we were walking back to our car, a homeless man walked up to us and asked if we could buy him a Jimmy Johns sandwich.  Before I could even process what he had asked, my friend said “yeah” with zero hesitation.  Zero.  And his tone of voice was in such a way that it was really like he said “yeah man, I would love to buy you a sandwich.”  I stood in awe as I watched them walk towards Jimmy Johns together.  Now, I knew I had awesome friends, but this moment made my heart smile more than it ever had towards this friend.  I was ecstatic, honestly.  Jordan and I got in the car and I remember asking him if he would have said yes, and he said “I don’t know, probably not.”  Now, I am not throwing him under the bus at all, it was just a HUGE thinking moment for me.  Like, would I have said yes either?

So, our friend went and bought this man the sandwich, the sandwich that probably made his entire day, and stood with him in line while he waited for it.  Our friend then came back to the car and did not even say a word about it, and acted as if it was a completely normal thing to happen.  This was an amazing moment.  Not only for me, but for the hungry man that just wanted a sandwich.  My friend….my friend has a servants heart and probably doesn’t even realize it because its just that natural to them.  I’m not even going to tell you my friends name, because I know they did it purely because Jesus would, and they would probably never speak of it again, but I cannot stop thinking about the happiness it brought to me to see them just say “yeah” with zero hesitation.

“Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name:  That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and things in earth, and things under the earth; And that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” Philippians 2:5-11

A servants heart isn’t being like “ugh fine I’ll do it.” it’s fully longing to be like Jesus and that longing being something you do joyfully because Jesus would.  We can’t look at having a servants heart as being a task. As Christians, it should be something that is a natural part of us. Having a servants heart is being a servant to God. It’s our duty as Christians, at least part of it. If we aren’t living to serve Christ as Christians, then what are we really doing?

Would you have said yes to that man if he asked you to buy him a sandwich? And not just any sandwich. A Jimmy Johns sandwich….they’re expensive!! When I ask myself if I would, I would love to say I would have, but I don’t know. I didn’t even have time to think about it before my friend said “yeah.”  He didn’t even have to think about it, which is how natural it SHOULD be.  This story may seem so little to some, but I bet to the hungry man that just wanted a Jimmy Johns sandwich…this was extraordinary. He may not remember my friends name or anything, but he’s going to remember the impact.

If we say no to serving others, especially the lost, aren’t we missing an opportunity to leave a mark. A mark of Jesus. A glimpse of hope. A love to show that they may have never seen or felt before. What could have been a life-changing occurrence just became a missed opportunity.  Having a servants heart isn’t about having a quality, its about having a calling.  We are called to serve.  Be obedient to Christ, and don’t miss your opportunity to potentially change someones life.

Peace From Faith

Okay, so I haven’t blogged in forever, but lets face it- I just got married.  I always start off by sharing where I am at in life.  So, I will begin by saying I completed my first semester of nursing school this past spring, and a month later had the best day of my entire life.  I can honestly say I was not stressed a bit the day of our wedding, and I was able to just soak it all up and enjoy every second of it.  This first month and a half of marriage has been so awesome! It is so cool that I found my person at a young age.  I know so many people thought we were too young, and honestly that thought went through my mind too, but the most awesome part about it is- now I not only get to grow old with this man, I get to grow up with this man.  We get to be a part of each part of each others lives, and share those memories with each other.  Also, Jordan got a really awesome job at the AG national office and is going to do some amazing things, and I am so excited that I now get to watch him do it all.  SO proud of him!  So, yes, marriage is awesome and the first month really has not been hard like some people say.  We have had the time of our lives together, but I also think knowing him for seven years prior helps a lot.  We kinda knew each other pretty well- we knew what we were getting in to, which was awesomeness.

I am now at the point in my life where I am still in nursing school, but also trying to find a job- which is very overwhelming.  I just think about how much I stressed my first semester without having a real big-girl job, and now trying to throw in a big-girl job and pass my second semester of nursing school.  It is stressful- but necessary! This is where my peace from my faith is having to come in.  Just talking with family and friends recently I have realized how God has not once failed me.  He has carried me through everything that I alone was not strong enough to get through.  Now, I start this journey with my husband as well, and it is scary to look at finances, getting a job, spending time with Jordan and staying in nursing school and still believing we are going to make it through.  Just being real.  It is a lot to think about, and at times it is definitely overwhelming.  Again, however, isn’t it so cool though that God has not once failed to get me through it?  Through all the chaos going on around me, He has always been there.  Through my doubt, He has always been there.  Through my weak moments- He was strong.

As I have talked about before, anxiety has been something I have dealt with for as long as I can remember and gradually got worse after coming to college.  The awesome thing about trusting God lately through my anxiety has been the greatest thing.  It is now gradually lessening.  I prayed the day before our wedding that my anxiety would be gone and I would just be able to enjoy the biggest day of my life, and that is exactly what happened.  It was the BEST day ever! I am not going to say I haven’t been anxious at all since, but I will say it has been MUCH less, which is incredible! It is a prime example of Jesus always showing up in my life and never failing me.  I have always been someone that has to think about the future, which ends up freaking me out.  I still love to think about the future- but in such a different way now.  Like, I cannot wait to see where this job that Jordan has is going to take him personally and us together.  I strongly believe he is going to do awesome things, and I get to be a part of that with him.  Yes, I am still in nursing school, but thinking about finishing it and getting to work in pediatrics is SO exciting!  I am beyond excited for the things that Jordan and I are going to get to walk through together and the big things that are going to come of it.  I am not scared anymore.

I am not scared anymore because I am no longer just praying the prayer for peace in hopes that I will find peace.  I am praying the prayer for peace with faith that I am going to find it because my God has never failed me.  My peace isn’t coming from the hopes that Jesus will answer my prayer, it is coming from faith that I know he is going to answer it.  Let me tell you, it is life-changing just realizing one word that can change your entire mindset for the better- faith.  Even just a little bit of faith.  Faith bring you through it all.  It is so great.  I am just so excited about life right now.  I am married, which is great.  I am going to be an aunt, which is great- I LOVE KIDS obviously.  Jordan has a job that he loves- which is great.  And I am working towards my dream- which I have faith that it will be great.

I was just talking with a friend earlier today about the future and what we want to come of it and what not, and it just got me so excited! So, that is why I wanted to share all of this with you guys.  If anyone relates to trying to find peace and comfort in your life, make sure you are looking to get peace and comfort from God knowing he WILL bless you.  Even when we are walking through the scary times, find excitement in knowing God will get you through it and you are going to learn so much from going through it.

“From the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.” Psalm 61:2

Even when you feel weak- He is always strong.  It just takes a little bit of faith.